His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
