R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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