watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
