I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
he told me I talked like a deaf person
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
