WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
