I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
