I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
