I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Randomize
