I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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