My first STD was from a foam party
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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