AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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