Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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