Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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