They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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