so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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