just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Sober January is a disaster.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
