It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
