i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
