I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Dignity is for republicans.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
