I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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