I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
