i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
