she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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