why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize