the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
