When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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