ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize