I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
