You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
