thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
