Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
