guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
