you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
my shit smells like andre
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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