If that was your dad, he is hot
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
