you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
