why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
