Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
