come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
