so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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