ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
