those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
wow bdsm is so cute
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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