I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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