if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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