apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
