Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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