I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
It's Friday. Sex?
one might say we're banned from that church
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
