matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
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