My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
