you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
