Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
