i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
the day after is always just damage control
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
