Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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