Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
do herpes really smell.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
