I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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