i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
