nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
