the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
