I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
