is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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