Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
