"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
