Define "chronic" masturbator.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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