I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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