and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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