you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I deserve this hangover.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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