he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
