So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
