if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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