I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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