You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
