So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
