my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
