Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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