and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
