I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
