I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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