I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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